Riley went in for his surgery yesterday. My kids are still very young and have been quite healthy (thank Heaven) so this was my first time going through a surgery as a mother and, of course, i was terribly nervous. We spent the preceding week in Lethbridge visiting family for Thanksgiving, and planned to stop in Edmonton for the surgery on our way home. But the hospital doesn't really schedule these things until the day before, which really stressed me out. Oh, i knew that it would be on friday, and i knew where to go, but i didn't know if i'd have to be there at four in the morning or seven at night. I didn't even know how long i would have to be there. This combined with a bad memory and wonderful procrastination skills, it was a rush two days before trying to find a place to spend the night and a babysitter for my other two kids at an unknown time and for an unknown length. I like to be organized, especially when we travel, so this was killing me. But a couple wonderful friends stepped forward to help, and that all worked out beautifully.
After a sleepless night (brought on by a fussy baby and an anxious mom), accidentally running a red light (Kingsway Ave-111 Ave is the stupidest intersection EVER!), and getting lost for 45 minutes in the hospital (going up and down the elevators trying to find SOME WAY to get to the second floor), i was stressed and frazzled enough. But this guy was perfectly fine, though he'd only gotten about 5 hours of sleep.
After a sleepless night (brought on by a fussy baby and an anxious mom), accidentally running a red light (Kingsway Ave-111 Ave is the stupidest intersection EVER!), and getting lost for 45 minutes in the hospital (going up and down the elevators trying to find SOME WAY to get to the second floor), i was stressed and frazzled enough. But this guy was perfectly fine, though he'd only gotten about 5 hours of sleep.
They weighed and measured him, checked his vitals, discussed procedures and legal forms, and had me sign a bunch of things. They put numbing cream on his hands for the IV, which he thought was cool. My kids like band-aids.
Then he got to go to the playroom to kill time while the cream soaked in and they got things ready for the procedure. There were cars...
and trains...
And lots of other things that he didn't pay much attention to. There was an 18 month-old little Spanish girl in there as well, and Riley played so nicely with her. When they first walked in, he told her mom that the little girl was not allowed to have his train, but then, when no one was watching, he gave her his engine, and started playing other games with her. Those two were the only kids there.
When the time came to go down to the OR, Riley got to ride down in a wagon (which i pulled)!
Down in the waiting room, Riley started to get a little scared. He doesn't cry when he's scared or nervous, but he gets very quiet, very shy, and very serious. He seemed to realize something unpleasant was about to happen. He didn't play much with the toys there.
I managed to coax one goofy smile from him, but that was all he'd give me.
I got to go with him right into the OR, wearing a yellow nightgown and a foofy blue hat. They sat Riley up on the bed and they had me stand in front of him and give him a big hug while they put the IV in his hand. He even watched them put the needle in! He inhaled sharply when it went in, but otherwise didn't make a sound. They taped it down, but had to wait a few minutes for the doctor to arrive before they gave him the anesthesia. (And, funnily enough, i learned that his nurse was the niece of my neighbor across the street. Small world!)
I kept reassuring him, because even though he wasn't making a peep, i knew he was scared. When the doctor came, they had me bear hug him again while they put the anesthesia in the IV. They told me it would work quickly, but i was unprepared for how fast and how horrifying it would actually be! As my friend said to me afterwards, "It's like watching somebody die". They injected him through the IV, and within seconds, his body went limp, and as they set him back on the bed, his eyes were half open, rolling back in his head. It looked so unnatural, so terrifying. The doctor walked me out of the room then. Even as she told me how well i was doing, i was choking up, almost in tears with that last image of Riley playing over and over in my mind. i think the shock of it is what kept me from bawling my eyes out - i could not have prepared myself for how difficult it was to see.
Riley was in surgery for an hour and a half. I was tempted to take the doctor's advice and go to the cafeteria, since i hadn't eaten breakfast, but i was too anxious. i didn't want to leave the waiting room. I am a very protective and nervous mama bear. Thankfully, my friend who was watching my other two boys also loaned me a book and her Nintendo DS to help me pass the time. I started reading The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan, and found myself sufficiently distracted (though i still looked up every time a nurse or doctor walked by). By the end of the day, i'd made it through half the book. I never made it to the DS. ;)
Around 10:45am, a nurse came to get me, and i walked back up to the room with my sleeping boy. He looked so sweet and peaceful. One nurse we shared the elevator with asked Riley's nurse, "How come you always get the cute ones? All i ever get are the old men!"
Riley slept for about an hour and a half. I sat by his bed reading my book, trying not to let myself become too nervous. I wanted him to wake up, to know he was okay, to know the surgery had gone well. Every time he twitched i stroked his arm, his hair, whispered his name. At one point his eyes shot open, then closed quickly again and he went back to sleep. i was so glad they had warned me that his eyes would be bloodshot, or i probably would have screamed - the whites of his eyes were completely red! He said "mom" a couple of times in his sleep, which made me even more anxious to have him wake up. But i successfully resisted the urge to shake him or pinch him.
When he finally did wake up, he was pretty groggy. I offered him his water, which he didn't want, but he downed the small dixie cup of apple juice in seconds. He refused to open his eyes, but was good-tempered enough. i asked him how he was feeling and he said his eyes hurt. The nurse gave him some tylenol and an orange popsicle.
He was fairly calm, as is his nature. He wasn't too upset about not being able to see. He felt around for things he needed and mostly just rested or talked with me. He cried for only a second when he asked for another popsicle, a red one, and was told they only had orange. But he happily ate his second popsicle anyway. And on the way back to our friend's house to pick up the other boys, he cried for a minute or two because he'd wanted to take home one of the riding cars from the toy room.
A couple hours later, it seemed the effects of the anesthesia and the tylenol were wearing off, because he started to wimper and cry a bit more. It hurt him too much to open his eyes. He kept trying to rub them, which i wasn't supposed to allow him to do. He obeyed me without much fuss, but wasn't happy about it. A cool, damp washcloth my friend gave him helped a little. He was so upset that he couldn't go outside and play with the other boys. He was determined to do it, but i wouldn't let him - he wasn't quite used to being blind, and i didn't want him crashing into things. He would squint a tiny, tiny bit, but not enough to really see much.
We drove home to High Prairie that evening, where Riley got to enjoy some nice cuddles with his dad before we put them to bed. This morning, 24 hours post-surgery, Riley had one eye open. They other one still hurt too much, and the lid was a little swollen.
But by 12:30 in the afternoon, he was opening them both for short periods of time (before shutting them quickly and whimpering). The progress seems slow, but in reality, it's only been a day. I think it just seems slow because he can't really do much to distract himself while he's waiting for it to heal. It's hard to do anything when you can't see.
Today we're taking it easy. I'm almost out of tylenol, and while i'm sure the ointment i'm supposed to put on his eyes does help, Riley HATES when i have to force his eyes open a little to put it in. We're cuddling and watching cartoons and eating junk food. He's acting a bit more like himself, trying to get up and do things, but inevitably he comes back to the couch within minutes - his eyes just hurt too much. He likes to have Jonah sit with him, and will gently feel his head, face, arms and legs like a blind man trying to identify someone. But sadly, Jonah doesn't much like sitting for too long.
His glasses broke while we were in Lethbridge, so i have to wait until Monday to take them in to get fixed. He can't really wear them yet anyway, so it isn't a big deal. It's making me crazy because i'm so anxious to see how his eyes line up now. There is improvement, though. When he had both eyes open briefly earlier, i could see that while they crossed a little bit, it was not nearly as severe as before. I really believe that when he's rested, healed, and wearing his glasses again they will line up beautifully.
